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Episode 439 | Dealing With Difficult Students (and Getting Parents on Board)

Podcast Description

In Episode 439 of School Owner Talk, Duane Brumitt and Shihan Allie Alberigo get real about a problem every martial arts school owner faces sooner or later: the “difficult student” who can derail a class.

They break down what “difficult” actually looks like (disruptive, defiant, unsafe, emotionally dysregulated, attention-seeking), why it’s rarely about a “bad kid,” and how consistency, structure, and clear non-negotiables protect your school culture.

Just as important, they talk about the parent side of the equation—how to bring parents into the process without shaming them, how to keep conversations factual and team-based, and when it’s time to admit you’re not equipped to help every student.

Key Takeaways

• “Difficult” is a behavior category, not a personality label. Focus on what the student is doing (disruptive, defiant, unsafe, shutting down, attention-seeking) instead of branding them as “a problem kid.”
• Behavior is communication. A meltdown, tears, or acting out often points to unmet needs, unclear boundaries, skill gaps, or what happened before they walked in the door.
• Consistency is everything. When instructors enforce standards differently (or threaten consequences and don’t follow through), kids stop believing boundaries are real.
• Protect the culture with non-negotiables. Safety and respect aren’t optional. The class can’t be held hostage by one student.
• Use simple, calm corrections—and reset fast. Direct, low-emotion corrections work better than yelling. After a correction, look for a quick “win” to get the student back on track.
• Don’t reward disruption with attention. Some behaviors repeat because they reliably earn attention (even negative attention). Reward the behavior you want repeated.
• Parents matter more than they think (especially early on). In the first few classes, kids often watch their parent for approval more than they watch the instructor.
• Coach parents on what to do during class. Instead of “the eye-pointing focus gesture,” Duane recommends parents simply smile and give a thumbs up—then praise effort, not technique.
• Have standards—and be willing to follow through. A clear policy (including when a student may need a break or be discontinued) protects your staff, students, and brand.

Action Steps for School Owners

1. Define “difficult” for your team (in writing). Use a shared list: disruptive, defiant, unsafe, emotional shutdown, attention-seeking. This keeps staff aligned and reduces emotional decision-making.
2. Audit your consistency across instructors. If one instructor is “the fun one” who allows boundary-pushing, you’ll end up with a subculture that erodes the whole school.
3. Create (or tighten) your non-negotiables. Spell out what’s always required (examples from the episode: safety, respect, “yes sir/no sir,” etc.). Make sure every instructor enforces them the same way.
4. Use a simple correction loop. Name + eye contact + calm voice + clear correction. Keep it short. Then reset quickly by giving the student a chance to succeed.
5. Stop over-talking. Give one instruction or one choice. Long explanations often become background noise—especially for younger kids or kids with attention challenges.
6. Reward effort and self-control, not perfection. Tell parents to praise the one moment their child did focus, hold stance, or control their body—even if the rest of class was rough.
7. Pre-frame students positively (and teach parents to do the same). Avoid the “don’t do X, don’t do Y, don’t do Z” drop-off speech. Replace it with: “Have a great class. I know you’re going to listen and do awesome today.”
8. Talk to parents early—before it becomes a pattern. Keep it factual, positive, and team-based. Most parents already know their child is struggling; they need to know you’re on their side.
9. Use measurable goals with parents. Pick one or two behaviors to improve (ex: keeping hands to self, staying in line, using respectful language) and track progress together.
10. Know your limits—and protect the room. If a student’s behavior consistently harms the learning environment (or safety), be willing to recommend a break or discontinue enrollment.

Additional Resources Mentioned

• Three-strike structure (in-class and/or program-level) to protect culture and create clear boundaries.
• Praise–Correct–Praise (PCP) as a reminder to balance corrections with encouragement.
• “Behavior that’s rewarded will be repeated” as a guiding principle for shaping student habits.
• Parent coaching during trials/early enrollment (first 30/60/90 days) to build buy-in and shared expectations.